i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize