dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
