I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
