i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
