it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my sisters under your porch take her home
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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