Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
