I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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