New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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