dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
