Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
