just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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