I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
