I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
