Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
