i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
try to milk me bitch
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