We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
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