We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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