Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
