Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
