yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
