You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
