they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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