hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
