I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
