took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
