I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
