oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
