I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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