i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
