You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize