it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
