My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
