You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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