i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
