Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
