I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
