And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
