i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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