if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
