Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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