how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
is wine microwaveable?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
