I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We are all done wearing pants today
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
