Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't turn off my feet"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
