Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
