So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
