listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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