when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
