Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
