Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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