Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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