he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
