you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
