i don't plan on having that self control this summer
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
