Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
