i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
