Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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