Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
