Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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