Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
