it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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