Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
