she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
