Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
