I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
