Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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