I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
