The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
