Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
