And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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