I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
