You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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