and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
