Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
