I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
